A SOMATIC SENSE OF BOUNDARIES & HOW TO SET HEALTHY ONES

Boundaries.

What do you notice in your body as you read the word?

Even the thought of them can awaken an unsettling in the pit of our stomachs, maybe a tightening in the throat too and it makes perfect sense as to why. Asking for what we need, telling people that we can’t help them or simply saying ‘no’, goes against a lot of the conditioning that we’ve received. It might feel or be received as being selfish, aggressive or uninterested, but it needn’t be that way.

Boundaries are vital for our safety and connection and lead to us feeling respected, protected and calm. They express our inner limitations, our barriers and essentially, they express our ‘yes’ and our ‘no’. They are an indication of what we allow and what we don’t allow - and that includes allowing how we show up for ourselves and how others show up for us. They are a verbal or non-verbal cue to others (and to ourselves) about how to treat you.

Knowing our limits and honouring them allows us to; get our needs met, avoid burnout, support our overall health, build deeper, more authentic relationships, build self trust, develop our identity, build self confidence, create more balance between personal & work life, dedicate more time to the things you want to do and a whole lot more.

So it brings us to the question ‘How do I set healthy boundaries?’

Now, with anything I share, it’s never a linear answer, it’s nuanced and the process of setting your boundaries, will be individual to you, your situation and your nervous system. However, I’ve put together some suggestions that I hope will offer you some insight and space into moving into some personal exploration with your boundaries.

Identify what boundaries feel like.

Boundaries aren't just the words that we set with people. They aren't just things that we say or don't say, or things we set with people or with ourselves. They are our inner limitations and it is the body that signals through sensations when we are near or at our personal limit or alternatively when we are a little far out of reach from it. Perhaps you notice a tightening in your stomach, your fists clenching, your body reaching backwards, a gesture of your hand in front of you to say ‘stop’.

I love exploring this practice with my clients:

Say ‘YES’ over a few times and notice what happens in your body, through sensations, breath and posture.

Then, say ‘NO’ over a few times and notice again what happens in your body, breath and posture.

Build the safety within to set boundaries

Learn how to communicate them, verbally & non-verbally

Build the capacity to hold the response to boundaries